Recently, I had a birthday and I turned forty-five. Seems kind of crazy that that much time has passed in my life. This years’ birthday was a little hard for me. Not because of my age since I knew it was coming, but for some reason I haven’t figured out yet, I spent A LOT of time reflecting. I thought about all that I have accomplished in these forty-five years. I spent time thinking about the decisions and choices I’ve made that have not produced the fruit I’d hoped for. My parents came to mind a lot. I miss them everyday. Even though I know they were proud of me and that we were solid when they left this earth, there is still so much I’ve done since their passing that I wish they could have been able to witness and be a part of.
I was what some would call a late bloomer. A few incidences beyond my control detoured my path. While many of my friends were in college, I was a working single mom taking classes when I could. When they finished four years later I was still plugging along, one class at a time and raising my son. There are times when I feel that I should be further along in my life than I am currently then I remember that my plans aren’t always God’s plan for me. For the most part, I’ve had a good life. But you don’t get to be this age without a few regrets. If I could go back, there are a few things I would do differently. At some of those forks in the road, I definitely would have chosen a different path. However, hindsight is always twenty-twenty. At my age now, I only have one choice to make: I can dwell on the past and my coulda, shoulda, woulda’s or focus all of my attention and effort on making the second half of my life my best one. I think I will go with the latter.
My friends think I am much too busy. For me, there is still so much I want to do and goals I plan to achieve. I love living my life and I want to get in as many adventures as I possible can. I know obstacles will come and I have learned that while they slow us down they aren’t stop signs. Life will sometimes be uncomfortable, frustrating, complicated and often confusing but that’s what makes it worth living.
I am working to change the things about my life that I am not happy with. Change can be difficult and for me its extremely hard because I don’t like hurting people. I have this very strange habit of wanting to see the best in others even when they are not so kind to me. Overall, this has been a very good year and I’m looking forward to the next chapter.
Seeing what the future holds…:)