Who Moved My Cheese?

When I was in my early twenties my best friend convinced me to move from Florida to Atlanta, Georgia. She had moved to Atlanta a few years before to attend college and after graduation decided to stay. She thought Atlanta would be great for me. Best friends since childhood, we were young, had our whole lives ahead of us and as young adults, Atlanta would be just the place to begin our new adventures.

The birth of my son at nineteen had slowed down my education just a bit but I wasn’t going to give up my dream of becoming a college graduate. When I made the decision to move to Atlanta, I applied and was accepted to Georgia State University. In Atlanta, just as I’d done in Florida, I worked and went to school. Finishing my education and taking care of my son was the goal. My best friend and I had some great time but after competing one semester I had to forgo my next semester in order to find a full time job so that I could better take care of my son.

It was during that time that I found a customer service job with Time Warner. The job was good. The money did just what I needed to which meant my son and I would be okay. The managers at Time Warner purchased this book called, Who Moved My Cheese?. They gave one copy to each department head. Each person in the department was to read it and then pass it on the next person on the list. The book is not very long and I was able to get through it in a few days. After reading it, even at that young age, I understood why the company wanted us to read it.

Things in business as well as in life change and sometimes they change often. However, if we don’t have the strength of mind to change with the world around us we risk becoming stuck just like one character in the story. This book came to my mind today as I thought about my current relationship.

My love and I have always been quite different. It is one of those things we learned early on about each other. I am the one who enjoys trying new things, going to new places and reading various genres in order to expand my thinking. He is more of a “close to the vest” type guy. He is very comfortable with what he’s familiar with and doesn’t do change well.

Over the years we worked through his fear of change by slowly bringing new things into his life. When we went on trips, we’d go after he got off work (he doesn’t do well with taking time off work) and stay over just one night. Slowly we’d try different restaurants of his choice. I’m still working on that reading thing. Yet while that has worked for us for many years, it’s the one thing that is taking its toll on us today.

I never quite understood the fear of change as I’ve known it to make me stronger and better. I don’t always like change, I don’t think anyone does but I don’t run from it. It’s hard to see anyone you love be crippled by a fear of anything because you know it is hindering their progress in some area of their lives. However, what I’m learning in this season of my life is that God truly has a plan for each and everyone of us.

While we hope that life will bend our way, ultimately it’s God’s will should strive to know and do, so that we can live that abundant life he promises us in Ephesians 3:20.

My cheese is moving once again…ūüôā

Past, Present and Future

Normally, it takes me all of a few hours to write a post. ¬†Once a topic, thought or interesting conversation comes to me, my juices start flowing and I just start writing. ¬†However, I’ve been pouring over this post for about a week. ¬†I knew what I wanted to convey but it was coming to me in weird pieces and I just couldn’t get the wording to make sense. ¬†Anyhow, I’m going to give it to you the best I can and hopefully it will make some kind of sense ūüôā

My mom used to say that the more things changed, the more they stayed the same. Of course as a child I had no idea what that meant but as I’ve gotten older I think I have a little bit of an idea as to what my mom’s sentiment might mean. As adults we live and hope that we can learn from our mistakes in order to do better. ¬†However, what happens when we don’t learn from those mistakes? I guess this is how things can actually stay the same.

I got permission from my friend to tell this story because my mom’s little saying popped right into my head as she and I met for breakfast to talk over a week ago and I thought it was absolutely the perfect way to describe what she’s dealing with. ¬†So, this friend has been married for over fifteen years. ¬†She and her husband have three children all under ten years old. ¬†Her husband, as far as I can tell and from what she says, is a cool dude. ¬†Works hard, tries to spoil her as best he can and provides her with a pretty good life. ¬†For the most part, she’s happy. ¬†Unfortunately, she has a penchant for having male friends. Sometimes these friendships have been more than just friendships.

This has obviously caused a serious strain on her marriage which is what we were discussing over breakfast. ¬†Although they have been to counseling, at her husband’s request, she has not made much progress in seeing how her “friendships” are effecting her marriage or what she needs to do in order to cut those ties. ¬†I’ve known this girl for years. ¬†I love her dearly but she’s as wrong as two left shoes and I had no problem telling her that. ¬†In knowing her and talking to her that day, I could clearly see how situations she dealt with as a child are affecting her relationship with her husband and as long as she refuses to shed light on and talk about those issues she will never be free to be the wife her husband needs.

Her life and her story also puts in my mind generational curses and how they can impact so many lives for so many years. ¬†If no one ever stands up to acknowledge what’s wrong in the family and talk about those family secrets they will inevitable eat away at the very fabric of all those involved. ¬†Because I’ve known her so long, I know that this situation didn’t just start with her. ¬†Her mother had the same exact issue in her marriage and story has it that her grandmother had the exact same issue in her marriage.

I almost can’t feel too bad for my girl though because as a grown woman she can make the decision to make a better choice so that this doesn’t continue to carry forth to impact her children. ¬†Instead of being afraid of what may come out as a result of her talking about and dealing with the issues of her past, she can make a lifetime of difference for herself and her family by openly and honestly taking on that challenge.

 

Love yourself enough to take on the challenge… ūüôā

 

 

It’s Her Birthday

Today is a very special day for me. It’s my momma’s birthday! She would have turned sixty-six on today.¬† I lost my momma in June of 2015.¬† Even now, it’s still very hard for me to believe she’s no longer with us.¬† Grateful that she’s no longer in pain but so sad she had to go.

The months of November and December were her favorite.¬† She loved cooking so Thanksgiving and Christmas gave her the opportunity to go all out.¬† Feeding us and making a plate for anyone who stopped by gave her so much joy.¬† Not a day goes by that I don’t think of both my parents but I think of them most often during this time of year.

Time is not always on our side and everything can’t wait.¬† There is one thing I can be whole about when it comes to losing my parents and that is we had no unfinished business at the time of their deaths.¬† I can mourn and be sad without guilt or feeling as if I should have said something or done something prior to losing them.

Be authentic. Love your family, love your friends.¬† If you have something to say…say it.¬† If you know you were wrong…humble yourself and apologize.¬† If someone hurt you, tell them and clear the air.¬† Remember…forgiveness is for you.¬† You walking around in hurt and anger is only further hurting you.

Missing my momma…‚̧