Normally, it takes me all of a few hours to write a post. Once a topic, thought or interesting conversation comes to me, my juices start flowing and I just start writing. However, I’ve been pouring over this post for about a week. I knew what I wanted to convey but it was coming to me in weird pieces and I just couldn’t get the wording to make sense. Anyhow, I’m going to give it to you the best I can and hopefully it will make some kind of sense 🙂
My mom used to say that the more things changed, the more they stayed the same. Of course as a child I had no idea what that meant but as I’ve gotten older I think I have a little bit of an idea as to what my mom’s sentiment might mean. As adults we live and hope that we can learn from our mistakes in order to do better. However, what happens when we don’t learn from those mistakes? I guess this is how things can actually stay the same.
I got permission from my friend to tell this story because my mom’s little saying popped right into my head as she and I met for breakfast to talk over a week ago and I thought it was absolutely the perfect way to describe what she’s dealing with. So, this friend has been married for over fifteen years. She and her husband have three children all under ten years old. Her husband, as far as I can tell and from what she says, is a cool dude. Works hard, tries to spoil her as best he can and provides her with a pretty good life. For the most part, she’s happy. Unfortunately, she has a penchant for having male friends. Sometimes these friendships have been more than just friendships.
This has obviously caused a serious strain on her marriage which is what we were discussing over breakfast. Although they have been to counseling, at her husband’s request, she has not made much progress in seeing how her “friendships” are effecting her marriage or what she needs to do in order to cut those ties. I’ve known this girl for years. I love her dearly but she’s as wrong as two left shoes and I had no problem telling her that. In knowing her and talking to her that day, I could clearly see how situations she dealt with as a child are affecting her relationship with her husband and as long as she refuses to shed light on and talk about those issues she will never be free to be the wife her husband needs.
Her life and her story also puts in my mind generational curses and how they can impact so many lives for so many years. If no one ever stands up to acknowledge what’s wrong in the family and talk about those family secrets they will inevitable eat away at the very fabric of all those involved. Because I’ve known her so long, I know that this situation didn’t just start with her. Her mother had the same exact issue in her marriage and story has it that her grandmother had the exact same issue in her marriage.
I almost can’t feel too bad for my girl though because as a grown woman she can make the decision to make a better choice so that this doesn’t continue to carry forth to impact her children. Instead of being afraid of what may come out as a result of her talking about and dealing with the issues of her past, she can make a lifetime of difference for herself and her family by openly and honestly taking on that challenge.
Love yourself enough to take on the challenge… 🙂