A few weeks ago I had the privilege to meet a young woman who had lived a very rough live. She is still in her twenties and has a lot of life ahead of her. She has survived years of sexual abuse at the hands of her drug addicted mother’s boyfriends and lived in several foster homes where the abuse continued. As I spoke with her she told me of how she feels that she has finally gotten her life together. She has a young child now, is in school, working and seeking help to work through her childhood issues. By all accounts, and from what I have gathered from school officials and references, this young woman really is doing all that anyone can ask of her in order to succeed.
Unfortunately, it seems that every time she starts to go in the right direction something comes along and knocks her off track. Although, I’m not quite sure how this happened but not long after I met this young woman I began receiving emails from her mother. Even though this mother is the reason this young woman has most of the issues she has, the young woman still wants to try to build a relationship with her mother. What I came to know after reading the mother’s emails is that SHE is the reason the young woman can’t seem to catch a break. Not only is she emailing me, she is emailing sponsors that are trying to assist this young woman as well as the Dean at the school where her daughter attends college. These numerous emails include screen shots of text message conversations she is having with the daughter that clearly show she is trying to bait the daughter as well as court documents from the daughter’s past run ins with the courts.
The mother’s emails are simply full of negativity. She details each and every offense she feels has been done to her by her daughter and tells me that I should be careful of the company I keep. Now, while I can understand the mother wanting to “protect me” from this horrible person she sees in her daughter, what I see is a young woman trying to succeed in life, to do her best to work through her issues and rid herself of the demons of her past not knowing that the biggest reason she can’t move forward is because of the one thing she won’t let go.
Don’t get me wrong, I think that we should all try to repair broken relationships with parents and/or relatives. But remember forgiveness is for YOU, not the other person. You forgive to let go of the negativity you are holding on to which in itself is holding you back from living your best, authentic life. Forgiveness does not mean that you have to allow others who are unwilling to move forward or let go of past negativity to dominate your world. Sometimes you have to love people from a distance. You have to wish them well on their journey and continue yours without them.
As for this young woman, I told her she will have to make the determination about her mother on her own. However, there was no point in me continuing to assist her until she got clear about the nature of her relationship with her mother. It was most certainly a sad thing to see but clarity can only come from peace within not someone telling you what to see, think or feel.
Luke 21:36, be always on the watch and pray that you may be able to escape all that is about to happen and that you may be able to stand before the man of God.